Our guest, Tom Condie, is the father of USA Olympic Team climber, Kyra Condie.
Kyra has an aggressive and quick climbing style that has contributed to her success. She’s won 1st place and placed in the top 10 at many rock climbing competitions – too many to list here, but they include:
- 1st place, 2019 USA Combined Invitational Nationals
- 1st place, 2018 Bouldering National Cup
- 1st place, 2018 Bloc Shop Open, Montreal, Canada
- 1st place, 2017 Tuck Fest, Charlotte, North Carolina
However, Kyra had to overcome a major obstacle to achieve her climbing goals. At the age of 13, she was diagnosed with idiopathic scoliosis – a severe spinal curvature that required major surgery, involving the fusion of about 10 vertebrae. Kyra dedicated herself to her recovery with the same intensity that she climbs with and, just two years later in 2012, she won the Youth Bouldering Nationals in Colorado Springs.
Kyra’s older brother, Xander, is a teacher. He is working tirelessly to serve his students during these unprecedented times of remote and hybrid learning.
Tom Condie is a dedicated father. Viewing fatherhood as his most important responsibility, he made the choice to work part-time so that he could invest more time in raising his family. In this episode, Tom discusses that decision, shares some terrific parenting advice & stories, and talks about how he applied some wisdom from Harry Truman in raising his two amazing children.
Kyra, Cathy (Tom’s wife), Tom, Xander (son), and Abbie (Tom’s daughter in law)
Tom and his wife, Cathy
Kyra Condie | 2018 Bouldering World Cup from Mountain Hardwear on Vimeo. (5 min)
Kyra Condie & Tim Emmett deep water solo in Vietnam (18 min)
Kyra Website: www.kyracondie.com
Kyra Social:
- Instagram: @kyra_condie
- Twitter: @KyraCondie
- Facebook: KyraCondieClimbing
Transcript likely contains some errors. Enjoy the episode!
Jonathan V.: Tom, thanks so much for being here today. Starting out, could you tell me a little bit about yourself?
Tom Condie: A software engineer for a medical device company. My wife and I both started there 28 years ago, 29 years ago. And we met there actually, she went down the research side and I went down the development side and I’ve worked now in the neurological group.
Jonathan V.: And if I understand correctly, you have two kids. Is that right?
Tom Condie: Yep. I have an older son, Zander. He lives and works in Chicago.
Jonathan V.: So, thinking back, could you describe where it is that you were when you first learned that Kyra had clinched her position as one of the two women on the 2020 USA Rock Climbing Olympic team?
Tom Condie: So, yeah, we were actually in Toulouse watching the competition where she qualified and, you know, I can’t say there was anything more stressful than sitting in that audience waiting for the final climbers to finish. And we didn’t know that she had actually qualified until very nearly the last climber climbed, and she climbed fairly early in the sequence. So there was 20 climbers altogether and I think she was fourth or fifth, and we had to wait until 18th or 19th before we realized she was in. And watching each one of those climbers and not wanting to root against them, but also rooting for our daughter. It was really stressful. Yeah. Then we finally figured out that, Hey, mathematically she’s in where we were. We were sure she was in. And so we went running up to where she was sitting and she was sitting with her teammates and we went up there, and she was bawling and we were like, Oh no, we were wrong. And it was turned out to be tears of joy. So that was really exciting. And then immediately the media kicks in, there’s microphones everywhere. They’re trying to capture every word you say.
Jonathan V.: How are you feeling personally in that moment, what’s going through your head as a dad, your daughter, Kyra just clinches this position. You just realize that her tears are tears of joy and it’s actually real?
Tom Condie: It’s completely surreal. Can’t imagine her dreams coming true. You know, we didn’t necessarily, it wasn’t on our radar until the last two years that the Olympics was even a possibility, and she spoke her desire to become part of it. And we back her a hundred percent and that whole week of that competition in Toulouse, I hardly slept at all. And then all of a sudden it happened and there we were all kind of crying, hugging, and just happy.
Jonathan V.: Yeah, I cannot imagine. And I’ve had a multitude of very proud moments with my son. And then the press as well. How has that been for you as a father and for her and for your family?
Tom Condie: So, like I said, yeah, the microphones started showing up and they were not shy. We’d be hugging Kyra and they’d bring up a microphone in between us trying to capture whatever we were whispering into each other’s ears. And it was just amazing how thoroughly they wanted to cover all aspects of this event and those who had moved on to qualify for the Olympics.
Jonathan V.: So, at the time of this recording, we’re in the midst of the COVID-19 outbreak, the Olympics had been postponed from 2020 to 2021, if I am correct. It’s the first time in history that there’s been a postponement, there has been a handful of other cancellations due to war. How are you feeling about all of this?
Tom Condie: Well, hearing about the postponement was actually a relief because the cancellation option was always kind of hanging out there. Then there was this other question of was her qualification going to still stand. And they’ve answered that since then, and yes, it’s still going to stand. So there’s no requalification for climbing anyway.
Jonathan V.: It’s a sure thing it sounds like for Kyra then that’s, that’s fantastic. When you were going through this period of uncertainty, what kind of conversations, if any, did you have with Kyra, and from the perspective of a father, had you, how do you approach that with your daughter?
Tom Condie: I am very much you know; this is out of our control. We can’t make anything happen. So the best we can do is wait and see, hopefully that eases that tension for Kyra. You’ll have to ask her if that’s the case.
Jonathan V.: Well, that sounds like a healthy perspective. If it’s out of your control, try your best to not worry about it. Kind of rolling back the clock. Can you provide a flavor for family life at the Condie house?
Tom Condie: Well when our son was born, Medtronic, our company, let me go part time. So I worked part time for the period of time where he was in our lives and our daughter wasn’t, and then we switched. I was kind of the morning, feed them, get them up, get them out Parent. Kathy would stay home in the afternoons with them. And then I’m mostly the cook and get them to bed person. And getting them to bed was kind of my specialty. I guess I usually sang to them. I would read to them. They seemed to respond to that.
Jonathan V.: That’s awesome. So you were part time, it sounds like both your company and yourself were ahead of your time. It’s terrific. That you felt that that was something that you could do, is that a difficult decision for the two of you to come to?
Tom Condie: Both of us were fully on board with it and my company was I mean; they really went all in and they set me up with the computer at home so that I could answer questions if people had things come up. But my parents weren’t so excited about it, actually. My mom, I don’t think ever told my dad that we did this.
Jonathan V.: Interesting. Wow.
Tom Condie: Yeah, she got, she stopped me outside the house one time and said she was kind of shaking. She said, I don’t, I’m not comfortable with this. This is going to ruin your career. So I tried to comfort her as much as possible and say, you know, the times have changed and you know, my family is my career.
Jonathan V.: Yeah. That’s wonderful. Oh, good for you. You mentioned that you would sing your kids to sleep. Was music an important part of the Condie household?
Tom Condie: Music was a good thing in our house. I sing all the time, even though I suck at singing, I sing to our dog. When I take her outside, I sing to the kids when they go to bed, I sing and it really took off with my son. But Kyra also is very musical. She has a lovely voice and she plays flute still today, not probably as well as she did in high school, but I think you could probably find something on Instagram of her playing flute.
Jonathan V.: Makes you happy?
Tom Condie: Yes, it does.
Jonathan V.: So, did you guys have any family rituals, dinner together, game night activity, things that you would do as a family?
Tom Condie: We played games all the time. Sometimes they’re old house games. Like flashlight tag where we turned off all the lights in the house and one person tried to find everybody with flashlight. Other times they were just board games, but yeah, there was always a game going on.
Jonathan V.: And are you a competitive person?
Tom Condie: You know, growing up, I was, it’s kind of changed over time, but yeah, I would say I was quite competitive when I was young. And Kyra is completely competitive. She’s competitive at jigsaw puzzles. So if you can imagine that.
Jonathan V.: Can you help me to understand that how is one competitive with the jig saw puzzle?
Tom Condie: So, there’s a piece that needs to be found. She’s going to be the person to find it. There’s, you know, some key piece that needs to connect to blocks that are being built separately. She’s going to find that piece. Nobody else is going to find it before her.
Jonathan V.: That is great. And when you see that in your kid is a part of you that feels like, Oh, I should put the brakes on this or is it just, you know, that’s how she’s wired and that’s great?
Tom Condie: Yeah. so way back when we were first married, we were visiting my wife’s parents and on his refrigerator, there was this cartoon or a little quote by Harry Truman or at least that’s who it was attributed to saying that his advice on giving advice to children is find out what they want and then advise them to do it. And so that’s kind of the approach I’ve taken where, find out, you know, what drives them and kind of encourage that.
Jonathan V.: Are there other examples that you can think of where you’ve done that?
Tom Condie: So, when Kyra was, I’m going to say five, she comes out with a hammer and says, it’s okay. I fixed it. And we’re like, what did you fix? So she shows us this missing spot of paint or something on our door, in our bathroom and she’d put a nail in it and pounded it in. She fixed it and it was still sticking out. So the door wouldn’t close anymore. So I explained to her this didn’t need to be fixed. Good job. So started kind of this rainy day box of things that either needed to be fixed or could be taken apart. And when we didn’t have anything to do, we could go to the rainy day bags, and grab something out of there and take it apart, try to fix it. We didn’t fix it or, Oh, well, but at least we tried to learn something from it.
Jonathan V.: That is great. I could imagine that going a very different direction with some parents. It’s wonderful that you were able to take that instant as more of an insight into the types of things that she is excited about and to fan that flame, as opposed to just scolding her for putting a nail in your door. Right?
Tom Condie: Yeah. You know, that kind of goes back to before I had kids, my dad had a temper, he was a great dad and we always played games in our house. So he was always willing to play games, but if something went wrong, he got mad and it kind of felt like the opportunity to learn something was lost in the anger. And so I tried to steer away from that and I’ve, I can’t say I never got angry, but I think the kids would, if I got angry, they realized there was something terribly wrong.
Jonathan V.: It seems like we learn a lot from our own fathers, were there other things like that, that you either took from or decided, you know, you wanted to make sure you steered away from as a father?
Tom Condie: No, that was the only thing I steered away from. My father, he supported everything we did. Every event we ever participated in, he was there. I tried to do that. Some of Kyra’s events are kind of [inaudible] and young. They’re hard to get to sometimes, but we tried to go to as many as we can. My father was always present. He was always at dinner. Those are the kinds of things that try to carry on.
Jonathan V.: That’s great. You guys do a dinner as a family. Was that a regular thing or an occasional thing?
Tom Condie: It was a regular thing. We tried to have dinner every night and my wife kind of instituted this thing. Well, it’s a Wednesday. Somebody tell me something that happened today that starts with w, and then we’d go through the whole Wednesday thing. Who’s got something that started with E
Jonathan V.: That’s. Terrific. Were there other expectations or chores or particular rules that you all put in place in your family?
Tom Condie: We had a please stop rule, that no matter what you are doing, if said, please stop. You had to stop. And in that way, the kids wouldn’t invoke, please stop until it was actually necessary. You know, if you were doing something that was particularly irritating to them, or if you were horsing around and all of a sudden the horsing around got too aggressive or whatever, they said, please stop. Even amongst themselves, you stopped. That was kind of our code word for this isn’t going the right way.
Jonathan V.: That’s great. Were there ever times where you needed to help your kids navigate a difficult situation or intervene in a problem that they may have found themselves in?
Tom Condie: In this particular occurrence, I know that it had happened on occasion that Kyra would have some trouble and I would have to go out and see what I can do about it. And there’s some kids down the block, friends of hers, you know, but you know, friends sometimes gang up on one friend and she’s a vegetarian and, they wanted to tease her about that for some reason. And so she climbed up in a tree in fun, I think. And, but then they rubbed hot dog or something all over the tree so that she couldn’t climb down because she didn’t even want to touch meat.
Jonathan V.: That’s horrible.
Tom Condie: It was horrible. And kids are kids, but, you know, so she came home crying and I went down the block and I talked to those kids and I think I gave them the, you know, how do you treat a friend speech? And things went swimmingly from there on in, I guess and I didn’t know this till actually she was in college and she was studying with one of these kids from down the street, kind of studying chemistry. And he told her that talk changed his life, or maybe that’s overstatement, that it stuck with him. So kind of surprised me that, you know, that those little things that you do not only effect your own children, but they effect the other people.
Jonathan V.: Right. Yeah. Yeah. How would you imagine a conversation like that might’ve sounded if you were talking to that kid?
Tom Condie: So, I’m sure I pointed out that, you know, Kyra doesn’t like meat and doesn’t have anything to do with meat and here, you guys are taunting her with it, and now she’s in tears and you guys are here laughing about that. How does that make you feel? You know, that you, is that what you wanted to accomplish to hurt somebody, that’s a friend of yours to the point where they’re in tears and you’re happy about that. Probably guilt, you know, kind of guilt them a little bit.
Jonathan V.: It sounds like you really tried to get them to think about other people develop a sense of empathy.
Tom Condie: Yeah. And like I said, I realized that it had worked because she was back playing with them the next day. And didn’t have any more problems, but didn’t realize the impact it had until years later. So that would have been, she was probably eight or nine and then 22, so 13 years later.
Jonathan V.: Wow. That’s wonderful, that’s a wonderful. And when did Kyra first show an interest in climbing? Was there an instant where you started noticing her inclination towards climbing?
Tom Condie: So, there’s certainly an instant. She went to a birthday party at a climbing gym, and one of the coaches for the Gym’s team said, Hey, you should join our team. And we signed her up the next day, I think. And from there, it was kind of obvious that that’s where she should have been all along. But looking back, she was always kind of a climber, the little backpack she put kids in, she would be climbing up on top of your head from that. She climbed out of her crib way too early. We had to just put her on a little bed. So yeah, climbing was kind of in her blood.
Jonathan V.: So, it sounds like it was fortuitous that she got invited to that birthday party. Were you purposefully exposing her to a variety of different activities or was she interested in a variety of different activities prior to that moment?
Tom Condie: Oh yeah. She’d tried soccer and tee ball and all the usual did sports and, she was doing those things up until she found climbing and then climbing became it.
Jonathan V.: How did you know that was it?
Tom Condie: Well, you know, you kind of see it in your kids, the desire to not be late to practice. You know, if we have some reason we need to not have her go to climbing, you know, we have some family event or whatever, and she’s all bummed that she can’t go climbing. And it’s pretty obvious that, you know, that’s her driving force.
Jonathan V.: So, you see that passion, how do you support it?
Tom Condie: You get in the car; you drive her to climbing. We started climbing ourselves.
Jonathan V.: You did. That’s fantastic. And we being you and your wife?
Tom Condie: My son too, he he’d have these other things going on. So he couldn’t climb at first. It was music lessons, taking him to play piano. Then it was musical theater. So going and helping build sets while he was rehearsing and working behind the scenes during the shows. Yeah. So we would drive her to climbing, drive him to his play. I would be at the play for awhile. Then other times it’d be, we’d drive her to climbing. We tried to climb a little bit in the gym,
Jonathan V.: As I understand. She progressed very fast.
Tom Condie: Yeah. I think that’s true. She interestingly she’s fast. So the speed climbing suited her. It wasn’t necessarily her favorite, but it suited her. So she qualified for the nationals in speed climbing, one of her very first years of climbing. And so, yeah, that was kind of interesting to find ourselves at a national level competition with our daughter who we thought was just a beginner. So when she first started climbing and she would go to these competitions, and she’d not do as well as she had hoped or she’d see some climber that she like, Aw, they’re so good. And what I began to notice was she had mentioned these climbers and then pretty soon she was besting them into competitions. And I kind of looking back, I think she was setting her own little goals to be as good as that person or to be better than that person. You can kind of see it build over time. And I think I can name three or four people. I won’t name them, but she had in her sights and it drove her to succeed.
Jonathan V.: That’s great. The inspiration. Imagine as is the case with any competitive athlete, there is times where there’s failure. How would you counsel or would you not say anything to Kyra when she didn’t perform as well as she would have liked to?
Tom Condie: Yeah. Kyra does not like sympathy. She actually had a name for it for her mom. She called it her sympathetic annoying face, Kathy’s lip would quiver. She’d kind of her eyes would droop and look sad. And Kyra did not like that. She wanted to be treated normally if she did badly and frequently, that meant leave me alone. I am going to deal with this. I’m going to come out of it and I’m going to be better for it or whatever. She didn’t like consoling.
Jonathan V.: And is that a mindset that you try to cultivate in her?
Tom Condie: I think in general, that’s kind of my perspective is, but I don’t know that I cultivated that in her, you know, that kind of, you know, this is not in my control anymore, so it’s done, let’s try to put it behind us, but it was certainly something we recognized and realized that the best way we can help her is to kind of let her work it out herself.
Jonathan V.: And were you an athlete? Are you one now or were you one growing up? And if so, were there any sort of transferable learnings?
Tom Condie: No, I was a wrestler. And so just maybe the training side of it was transferable, but to be truthful, we kind of leave that up to her, we’re not very kind of helicopter parents. Again, just, you know, find out what she wants to do and encourage her to do it pointing out. Maybe, Hey, you should be trying to cross train a little bit. If you want be better at all three, you need to get some endurance, but not making her do it or trying to convince her that she has to do it. Just kind of making this suggestion and waiting for her to discover that, Hey, parents are sometimes right.
Jonathan V.: Gosh, that’s so hard for me. I think I oversee just sometimes. It’s hard to just plant the seed and maybe put a little bit of water on it, but I think I over-water it sometimes.
Tom Condie: I’m sure I did too. I’m only thinking of the good times.
Jonathan V.: So, Kyra’s found this sport that she loves, passionate about it she’s excelling before, you know, it, there you are at the Nationals. And soon thereafter she’s diagnosed with idiopathic scoliosis at age 13, severe spinal curvature and requiring surgery. So what’s going through your head when you hear that?
Tom Condie: Well, first of all, us, how do we not know this? You know, how could we let this happen to our daughter. Then it’s, Oh my God, what’s this mean? And you know, and climbing’s the furthest thing from our minds at that point. For her, it’s the epicenter of what this means for her. And we didn’t even realize that until we got to the doctor and, you know, the doctor says, you know, climbing isn’t everything and she breaks down in tears. And we find out that, yes, it is. Maybe we understand that she’s really excited about climbing, but this is really the most important thing for her. So we got two more doctor’s opinions and the second one was very uplifting for her. And he’s the doctor that we ended up going with. She had gone to doctor’s appointments, you know, annually and one even just months before this was discovered. And they went back and looked at the report for that appointment. And the doctor said they did a scoliosis review. I suspect they missed it. But one of the problems from our perspective is it was an S curve. So it brought her back straight again. And so it wasn’t apparent to us just looking at her that she was, had some issue. She occasionally complained about her back, but kids complain about pains all the time. My wife noticed her standing kind of funny with her hand on her hip occasionally, but thought that was just attitude. So looking back, you know, we noticed a couple of things maybe that we missed, but yeah, no, it was, that was scary.
Jonathan V.: No doubt, no doubt.
Tom Condie: And the surgery is just brutal. They opened her up from her neck down to her hips and they break every bone.
Jonathan V.: Oh, my goodness.
Tom Condie: And make it heal as one big bone. And so she still has hardware in there. The metal hardware only because they didn’t want to remove it. It doesn’t really provide any support. It’s the actual solid bone that provides her most of her support.
Jonathan V.: How does that affect her today?
Tom Condie: Definitely affects her. She doesn’t have the mobility sideways bending mobility that other people do. And it’s funny, we don’t notice it cause she kind of works through it. She finds her way of doing things. Occasionally she’ll do something that points out, Hey, this is where it affects her the most. And it happens on the climbing wall occasionally where there’s a move that she just can’t do. She’ll try to find some way around those issues where she’ll climb it differently than anybody else. There was actually one climb where it benefited her that she saw this beta that, and I don’t know if you know the word beta is, if you were to give somebody instructions on how to climb a specific climb, that’s the beta. And so when they look at a climb, the beta is how they plan to climb it. And she saw beta that nobody else saw because the beta that everybody else saw was something she knew she couldn’t do. And she went right up to climb and everybody else struggled with it. Sorry, that’s a rare case, but it definitely was something. We noticed that, Hey, she has to climb differently than everybody else.
Jonathan V.: So, she makes it past the surgery. It sounds like certainly by all appearances rehab went well. Was that a difficult process as a father, working with her to help her get through rehab?
Tom Condie: So, I kind of dreaded getting her home and having to, you know, help her get out of bed and do whatever. And actually the worst moment was when she woke up from surgery and she was in pain and I couldn’t do a thing. I don’t know if that’s normal, but she was just in agony when she came out from under anesthesia, it seemed like it took forever to get that pain under control. I’m sure it was a matter of minutes, but that was the worst moment. As soon as she was up in her room where she was recovering in the hospital, she was always positive, always trying. And this is again, her competitive nature. She wanted to be the fastest person ever to come out of that surgery and leave and go home. And so four days later she was home and the doctor said, you know, the best thing you can do is walk, just walk. And she had a friend down the street that was happy and helpful and wanted to get her out walking. And there they were, they went out walking everyday. The recovery, I hardly, went by in a blur. It was all good.
Jonathan V.: Terrific. And then she’s back to competitions and competing at a higher level pretty soon thereafter. Is that correct?
Tom Condie: Oh yeah, she was I think just before her surgery, she had competed in a Bouldering Nationals. She placed 11th or something. And then after the surgery, might be a father talking, I think it was the very next Nationals that she won. It might have been the following year
Jonathan V.: To win period, but to win even within a few years after that kind of a surgery is just incredible. So now it’s, she’s competing more as she’s getting older, and even more competitive. Were there are certain things you needed to do to support that sacrifices that you needed to make or you and your wife needed to make?
Tom Condie: So, we were happy to go to these events and try to get her to those events. She started getting sponsors, which was a big help, you know, at the point where she was going all over the world, we’d worked for this company for more than 20 years. So we had weeks of vacation. So we were able to go and watch her climb those, it was wonderful.
Jonathan V.: That’s terrific. And when she’s traveling, were you both or was one of you always there, or were there some times instances where you had to entrust the team? The coaches was that difficult?
Tom Condie: I think almost always one of us was there. We were kind of those parents who wanted to drive the van down and bring the kids. And I’m sure there was one or two that we didn’t, I can remember one case where they were going to have a camp out with the climbing team. And it came down to where nobody could go except for the two coaches and Kyra, and we were not comfortable with that. Kyra didn’t get why we were not comfortable with that. And so there was a bit of a flare up on that one. In the end, if you ask her now she knows that that was the right decision. But other than that, I think everything went pretty smoothly. We went to, I’m going to say 80% of her competitions in her youth days.
Jonathan V.: You mentioned earlier sponsors coming into the mix. What did that look like and how, or did you help to navigate that very unusual situation to have your child in?
Tom Condie: Yeah, at first it was, you know, just free equipment, free shoes, free harnesses, maybe a blade tool or something. And that seemed relatively advantageous because we, you know, it’s money we didn’t have to spend, but we didn’t really kind of picture it as a sponsorship, but then they started a, you know, contracts and things like, how did they manage if there’s going to be money involved, how do they manage that? And in what circumstances does she get money? In what circumstances does she not get money? And, you know, we never really got a lawyer involved. We just kind of talked with other farmers and their parents and kind of navigated it by example, more than by legality.
Jonathan V.: I’m certainly not asking you to name names. Were there any particular challenges with particular sponsors or any that you decided to say, thank you, but no, thank you?
Tom Condie: No. Those decisions, we kind of left up to Kyra. I mean, at this point when she’s getting sponsors, he’s 17 years old and she knows which direction she wants to take her climbing. And we encouraged her in this. She had one sponsor that treated her very badly on a phone call and she wanted out of that contract and we had several interactions with her trying to figure out what was the best way to go about getting out of it, whether she should get out of it. And we felt like, you know, if they treat you badly, you need to get out of there. And so she did.
Jonathan V.: That’s great. Do you feel comfortable commenting on what they were doing that made her feel badly? Or how it was they were talking to her?
Tom Condie: Well, I felt like they were trying to pressure her to do more than what was in her contract and trying to make her feel immature. And like, she didn’t understand the contract, and she definitely understood what was required of her. And they were overstepping and really insulting her intelligence and her personally, and she wanted out.
Jonathan V.: And doing more being things like appearances or?
Tom Condie: Or postings or whatever. Yeah.
Jonathan V.: Is that something that you had any experience with prior to that?
Tom Condie: I have absolutely none. My wife has none. It’s kind of, it’s funny. As soon as they get so many followers on Instagram, they become influencers and people want them to do things and they’ll give them money to do it. You know, they’re simple things, like just say my name and your post.
Jonathan V.: It sounds like she’s got a good group of sponsors, far too many for me to be able to name, but I’m certainly familiar with Mountain Hardware. They’re a terrific outdoor apparel and equipment company and Gnarly Nutrition, a sports nutrition company neither of which are a sponsor of this podcast, but it must make you proud to see, not just that she’s a sponsored professional climber, but also the quality of the sponsors that she has backing her.
Tom Condie: Absolutely. And it was really nice to see her understand when she was being mistreated and to want out. So that we understand that these folks are really doing.
Jonathan V.: Yeah. Yeah. How did your relationship with your kids change and with Kyra in particular, when they left the house?
Tom Condie: It’s really kind of sad, right? You have, like I said, dinner every night, lots of games, as you know, they go through high school and they start to kind of distance themselves more.
Jonathan V.: And are you still finding opportunities to provide the occasional parental suggestion? What does that look like now from a fathering perspective?
Tom Condie: So yeah, you get phone calls, like I’m trying to put a drywall screw in, how do I do that? Or the car’s making this funny noise and try to get him to make the funny noise. And you, you relish those times because yeah, there are fewer and farther between every, every year.
Jonathan V.: I bet. I bet. So she recently clinched her position on the Olympic climbing team. When was it between the time that she left the house or perhaps it was when she was still in the house, but when did she declare her interest in pursuing that goal?
Tom Condie: No speaking that is a commitment that you’re wanting to do it. And so lots of climbers were thinking, Hey, you know, this would be cool. She came out pretty quickly and said, I want to do this. I’m going to make this happen. And she’s never really looked back. So that was really cool to see that she was going to make that commitment, that she was going to work for that particular role. And then actually to see it happen.
Jonathan V.: That’s great. How did you respond to that?
Tom Condie: All in man.
Jonathan V.: That’s awesome. So I have just a few more closing questions. What are three words that you think Kyra or Zander or your wife might use to describe your parenting style?
Tom Condie: Involved, laid back, connected.
Jonathan V.: How would you describe connected?
Tom Condie: Trying to understand what they want and helping them get it without, again, trying to be the helicopter parents, where your setting their goals for them. So support more than push.
Jonathan V.: Are there any books or resources or habits that have helped you to be a better father?
Tom Condie: I think the last parenting book that I read was What to Expect When You’re Expecting.
Jonathan V.: Great book. That’s a great book.
Tom Condie: But that was what, 26 years ago. So no, I kind of subscribe to, Don’t Worry, Be Happy.
Jonathan V.: That’s a good mantra to have. And finally, is there any is there any advice that you would give to other fathers, fathers of athletes specifically, or just fathers in general?
Tom Condie: I think the temper thing is a huge one, you know, try to laugh when maybe only to yourself, some of the mistakes your kids make don’t get angry, help them understand what they did wrong, and redirect to something more productive.
Jonathan V.: That’s terrific advice. Tom, thank you very much for your time. I really appreciate it. It has been an absolute pleasure talking with you. You are an excellent father and we will be rooting for Kyra in the 2021 Olympics. So thanks again.
Tom Condie: Yeah. Well, great. Thank you so much.